Today's Unglued Blog
Like I said yesterday, depending on the situation & the people involved, I shift my unglued reaction & can fall into all four categories. I know I'm not alone on this cause even Lysa TerKeurst admits that she does it. And you've got to LOVE this woman! As she describes each of the categories, she "lays it all out on the table, splitting her heart wide open and being as raw as it gets." She even said "Heavens, it's about to get a little messy around here...but I know you'll understand and that's why I love you so." I'm going to describe each of the four categories for you, but for her messy & raw moments...you'll have to read the book.
The Exploder Who Shames Herself
This is when I feel unglued with a stranger, I tend to be an exploder who later shames herself for not being more Christian-like. The unglued reaction with the stranger probably won't be loud or draw any attention, but I will have a stern reaction if someone is rude, disrespectful, or belligerent. It might be quietly stern, but the person will have no doubt I'm unhappy (remember, exploders aren't always loud in conveying their point, but they do use their words & tone to make sure the other person feels their point).
Later, shame slithers up close & whispers, "Look at you and all your Bible studying...what good is it all? What good are you?" The heaviness will leave me with a sinking feeling that I won't ever really change. And a familiar thought runs through a well-worn rut in my brain: I'll probably always be a slave to the raw emotions that catch me off guard.
What a lie!
The Exploder Who Blames Others
This is when I'm feeling unglued with my girls, I tend to be an exploder who blames them for pushing me to this place. It's those days (or moments) when I'm in the best mood, determined to have a shine-my-momma halo day (or moment), only to have that halo slip into a noose around my neck minutes later. You know, those head-spinning momma moments I've mentioned. And then I'll throw in a quick, "But I love you!" However, all my sentiments fall flat. I blame them for all the chaos that's gotten us into this unglued place.
And later the regret of it all falls heavy, so heavy. I get that sinking feeling again that I won't ever really be able to change: I'll probably always be a slave to the raw emotions that catch me off guard.
What a lie!
The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers
This is when I'm feeling unglued with my friends or my parents, I tend to be a stuffer who builds barriers. Those moments where something is said by them & I may stare into the sky & wish I could become as weightless as a cloud & float away. Then I think, "I can't deal with this. I don't know what to say or how to say it." So I say nothing. Not a word. I stuff it all down & start to build a barrier to hide behind. I smile when I see them, but I hold them at a distance. They know something is wrong, but when questioned, I lie saying "everything's fine" when it's really not fine at all. And then the communication dies down, which kills the relationship.
The regret feels heavy, so heavy. And it's there again, that sinking feeling that I won't ever really be able to change: I'll probably always be a slave to the raw emotions that catch me off guard.
What a lie!
The Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks
This is when I'm feeling unglued with someone I am the closest to (closest friend or a significant other), I tend to collect retaliation rocks to use as weapons in future disagreements. I keep the peace by smiling, all the while swallowing little gulps of bitterness. Each time they say or do something that upsets me, I smile & swallow, forming little bitter rocks that sit heavy on my soul. And I just wait for the right moment to pull them out & retaliate with all this proof of how damaging it all is. Finally, one little thing will set it off and all the insecurities & resentment I'd stuffed shoot up from a dark corner within, & I pummel with the retaliation rocks.
The regret eventually feels heavy once again, so heavy. And again, that sinking feeling that I won't ever really be able to change: I'll probably always be a slave to the raw emotions that catch me off guard.
What a lie!
If you have been believing this same lie, hang on to this truth: Just the fact that you continue reading these Unglued blogs (or read Lysa's book) is a sign of great progress. Refuse to wallow in the depressing angst condemnation brings. On the other hand, embrace any conviction you feel. Condemnation defeats us. Conviction unlocks the greatest potential for change.
So, how about you? Could you see yourself in each of these categories now that they've been described a little more in depth? I know I can! I can't wait to continue this ride of imperfect progress!