Friday, November 30, 2012

Keep the Peace

Today's Unglued Blog Update
Another one of mostly my rewording & adding some of my own to what Lysa said. I just think she hits the nail right on the head!
Are you excited we are moving on from the exploders to the stuffers? I am cause like I've said, I do both!
My new memory verse:
Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live in peace with everyone. ~Romans 12:17-18
Lysa suggested there are several reasons why I stuff...I stuff because:
I don't feel safe enough to confront the person.
I don't have the energy or the time to get into a conflict right now.
I don't know how to address the issue.
I don't want to seem hypersensitive.
I don't want to get rejected.
I don't want to lose control.
I don't want to make things worse, so I convince myself I can just let it go.
But Lysa also suggests, as a Christian woman I also sometimes stuff because it feels more godly. Verses like Proverbs 10:19 prompt: "Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut." And it's planted in my brain, "It's godly to hold back my words." Then reinforced with a verse like Proverbs 15:18: "A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel."
I want to keep the peace. I want to be gentle, not confrontational. And these are good things --IF I can do them without harboring bitterness. That's called healthy processing. But there's a big difference between healthy processing & stuffing.
Engaging in healthy processing occurs when I work through the issue & diffuse the hurt....maybe through prayer, studying my Bible, and/or talking to a counselor or mentor or Christ-centered friend. But here's the key: The end result is that the hard feelings dissipate. If they don't, they get stuffed. And that's the trouble.
The 2 ways stuffers react are either to build barriers or to collect retaliation rocks. And neither of these reactions leads to conflict restoration, but instead to relational decimation & conflict escalation.
Stay tuned for my next Unglued blog update about The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers.

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