Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Dealing with Unrealistic Expectations

Today's Unglued Blog Update
Another one of mostly my rewording & adding some of my own to what Lysa said. I just think she hits the nail right on the head!

Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live in peace with everyone. ~Romans 12:17-18

Unrealistic expectations are often the seeds of bitterly stuffed emotions. I need to get honest with myself about my own expectations. Sometimes, my reality doesn't measure up to my ideal, & that leaves me feeling slighted. This is particularly true with relations. I can come unglued & stuff hurtful thoughts all day long around the issue of relationship expectations. My retaliation rocks are usually coated with unmet expectations.

So, what can I do about them? Lysa suggest I list the expectations I have of a relationship in which I'm feeling slighted. Then, prayerfully discern whether or not my expectations are realistic or unrealistic. And if I can't really discern one way or the other, I need to ask....God, that person, &/or someone wise who knows both of us well.

Unrealistic expectations are things the other person isn't able or willing to do for me. I have to let go of these. Certainly God can either change that person OR change me by rearranging my desires. In the meantime, it's unfair of me to use my expectations as the standard for their behavior or hold it against them when they don't live up to my hopes.

Realistic expectations are things I reasonably expect the other person to do for me. My next step needs to be to discern how I can communicate these expectations with gentleness & in the right timing.....timing is key. One way to discern the timing of such conversations is prayer. I need to pray for God to make the timing clear....& He will!

Why not take my expectations & my need for discernment about them to God in prayer? Why not ask Him to get involved? This is just another tool to help keep me from stuffing & forming rocks of retaliation. God may not always work so quickly in answering our timing, but it's comforting to know He will answer.

It is possible to let conflicts, confrontations, & well-timed conversations lead my relationships to better places. Improved places. Places where I learn to process instead of stuff & leave the rocks collecting behind.

My prayer: list my expectations, decide if they are unrealistic or realistic, get help with this decision when needed, let go or pray about my unrealistic expectations, & pray for well-timed conversations about the realistic expectations.

Stayed tuned for my next Unglued blog update about.....Feelings

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