Monday, January 21, 2013

No True Relationship

Today's Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl Book Blog Update
As usual...I'm just mainly putting what Lysa has said in her book with some (very little--actually maybe not at all way more than usual today) of my own insight/thoughts.

As I'm reading through what Lysa has to say, I notice that during my college years, when something goes "wrong" in my life or something bad happens, I would kick it into high gear with God. In other words, I wouldn't try to spend time with Him daily, only go to Him when I needed/wanted something. I'll be better. I'll follow the rules more closely. I'll be kinder. I'll give more to the church. I'll attend more regularly. I'll sacrifice whatever you require, God....just do this for me. My relationship with God was conditional upon what immediate "miracle" or "crisis" I could see Him solve at the time (ex. help me pass this test, help me get this friend, help me get this boy to like me, if you'll just take this hurt away, help me not fail out of this school).

I would pray deals with God. It would seem that as long as I kept up my end of the bargain with God, He would keep His. Religion was indeed a fine addition to my life. Until something wouldn't go my way (nothing in particular, just different things I had asked God for....& my events weren't nearly as heart breaking as Lysa experiencing the death of her baby sister). Then I would get angry with God. Life's unfairness would strain against my religious perceptions & the dam of my soul would burst open. I tried to do good enough to earn His love, but felt as though my heavenly Father had turn away.

My flawed ideas of God would only let me love Him when He did good things. And when I couldn't see the good He was doing, I would close my heart & my life off to God, letting my hurt & disillusionment take over. The thought that I wasn't good enough was more than just a feeling. It had become the filter through which I processed life.

I am beyond thankful that my parents, especially my Mom, were always there to help me through the messes I made when I lived my life as far as I thought I could from God.

I did not have a true relationship with God.

Lysa had a friend, she calls her "Bible friend" share a verse with her. This verse has really helped me in growing my relationship with God. He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plants to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " But I want to take that a step farther, as if my name had been inserted there "Tasha, for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, Tasha. Plans to give you, Tasha, a hope and a future."

This statement stood in such stark contrast to my flawed perception of being identified by my circumstances. This verse painted a possibility that the God of the universe loved me not for what I did right but simply because I was His. A child for whom He had great things planned. I could be a child of God.

Oh how wonderful it has been to truly understand this verse & let it sink in. I had asked Jesus into my heart at the age of 13. But had never built a relationship with Him. I have never had all the answers, & I thought I had not been "good enough." Until about 2 years ago, I never really understood that verse. But when I did, it stirred something deep in my soul with assurance that the messages of the Bible are from God Himself & His words in this verse were true.

Just like Lysa, I have realized that when God made me, He left His mark deep inside. His fingerprints covered my soul, no wonder His truth resonated within me. I simply couldn't deny it. All I had to do was truly acknowledge that God exist, that He loved me, & that I wanted Him --not a religion-- in my life. I wanted so much more with God.....
....a step out of the darkness that blinded me.
....a step toward the light of truth.
...a step toward my true identity that wouldn't shift of fall apart under life's strains.
...a step toward becoming "Tasha, a fulfilled child of the one true God."

But there is more to this, the Bible & building my relationship don't stop there: "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:12-13). The words "I will listen to you" & "you will find me" make God seem more personal, touchable, interested in a relationship with me.

Stay tuned for the next Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl Book Blog Update...

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you SO much for checking out my post. I will try my hardest to reply back to everyone that comments.